you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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