I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
