How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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