I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
All the doctor said was why
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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