I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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