There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
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With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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