24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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