HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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