Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
