O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
