Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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