dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
