five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
