I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
