i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
