he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
