The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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