Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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