i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
