apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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