He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
