Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
