omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
