Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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