I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
