Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
