This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
