ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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