I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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