I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I AM VODKA MAN
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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