No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
