i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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