On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
