Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
