"it" just moved
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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