Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize