he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
