Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
