farters have to be the big spoon...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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