She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
