U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
