Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
