Pappa wants mamma naked
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
