ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
