It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
