I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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