If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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