I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
