he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I enjoy the company of your penis
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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