tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
