idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I pour the whiskey from now on
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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