It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
