I just gift wrapped bread.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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