so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize