I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
