Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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