I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
