i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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