K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
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What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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