Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
