i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
