P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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