it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
