UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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