guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
