dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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