Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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